I can't write, draw, paint, sculpt, fold, sing, play, invent or anything. What can I do? I'm really good at complaining. I'm excellent and procrastination. I'm the queen of yawns.
Hobbies? I'm not entirely sure what those are. I don't have one. Free time? Oh yeah, I have that. I, uh, watch tv, sleep. I feel so. . .unfulfilled.
I have no motivation. I'm not sure why. Today is worse than other days. But I'm also so tired. But restless. And my heart is swelling with every. Word. I. Type. Like the more I type, the worse it gets. Isn't it supposed to be the opposite?
ion
ifij
jfojpfewojfef
ewfw
jewffw
ojjfewwjddssnsv
o
Art.
Form.
Creativity.
Words.
Words.
Words.
Sep 26, 2010
Sep 25, 2010
Owww
hurthurthurthurthurthurthurthurthurthurthurthurthurt
I don't know why when I close my eyes I see his face.
I don't know why when I read his name my stomach turns.
I don't know why I can't get over him even though I know it's hopeless.
I don't know why I can't play hard to get.
I don't know why I don't quite get the rules of this stupid game.
I don't know why I always lose.
I don't know why it doesn't matter that I always lose, I just wanted to win this once.
I don't know why I can't get over it.
I don't know why.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know why when I close my eyes I see his face.
I don't know why when I read his name my stomach turns.
I don't know why I can't get over him even though I know it's hopeless.
I don't know why I can't play hard to get.
I don't know why I don't quite get the rules of this stupid game.
I don't know why I always lose.
I don't know why it doesn't matter that I always lose, I just wanted to win this once.
I don't know why I can't get over it.
I don't know why.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Sep 18, 2010
The Outsiders? Maybe on crack.
I don't own The Outsiders or any of it's characters. I'm merely a girl caught up in a super weird fantasy-type world and needs a place to let it out, because I'm starting to see re-runs in my head before I go to sleep.
I was sure I could get out of this. I'm always confident in my ability to get out of things, even headlocks. Even if it's a muscle-y, older brother that's got you in a headlock. I can beat up my younger brother, so I'm always sure that I can do anything. However, my eagerness to be right and tough and amazing failed, and left my head stuck underneath the armpit of a boy who just got home from his work where he does manual labor all day. Smelly? Yes. Yes, it was.
"Holler 'Uncle' kiddo."
I hollered something, but "fuck you" wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear.
He slapped my mouth. Not too hard, but hard enough to make an impression. "Don't cuss," was his reasoning, "You're a lady. Now holler!"
"Okay, okay. Uncle!" I groaned. He loosened his grip and I wiggled out from underneath his arm.
He grinned and shook his head, "Shoulda known."
I looked at my reflection in the window. I sure didn't look like any lady I'd ever seen. Torn up jeans that were about three times my size, and a red tank top covered with a bluem plaid overshirt. Real classy.
My hair wasn't done in any special way, either. Just sort of ran a brush through it and called it good. I mean, I washed it. I wasn't a redneck. Just a tomboy.
And I guess I could put on makeup. Well, sorta, anyways. It never turned out like the girl on the front of the box, but shoot, I didn't really look much like the girl on the front of the box to start with, I guess. It always looked alright. I supposed it was an improvement.
Have you ever seen Hairspray? I was a little heavier set, like the main girl in that movie. You see pictures of people from the sixties, and they're always super thin and beautiful, with those cute skirts that go in at the waist and then puff out real nice around. I owned one of those skirts. It was from when I was twelve and didn't care what no one thought of me. Now I only pretended not to care.
I could feel Darry's eyes on me. Watching me watch myself. So I spun around twice and fell on the floor. He sighed and retreated into the bathroom to try and make himself not smell like he was roofing houses all day. It never really worked, but I couldn't break his heart and tell him that.
I could hear Two-Bit before I actually saw him. That was the case most of the time, though. I even felt him before I saw him.
"Ow."
"It's not my fault! Why're you on the floor?!"
Of course he steps on me. He couldn't tell me he loves me, so he covers it up with pain.
Or something.
I could just accept the fact that Two-Bit thinks I'm like a little sister. Or I could just pretend he really loves me and is just ashamed of the fact.
However, when I asked him out, the resounding "No way" I got was getting harder and harder to forget.
But you can't blame a girl for trying, right?
I was sure I could get out of this. I'm always confident in my ability to get out of things, even headlocks. Even if it's a muscle-y, older brother that's got you in a headlock. I can beat up my younger brother, so I'm always sure that I can do anything. However, my eagerness to be right and tough and amazing failed, and left my head stuck underneath the armpit of a boy who just got home from his work where he does manual labor all day. Smelly? Yes. Yes, it was.
"Holler 'Uncle' kiddo."
I hollered something, but "fuck you" wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear.
He slapped my mouth. Not too hard, but hard enough to make an impression. "Don't cuss," was his reasoning, "You're a lady. Now holler!"
"Okay, okay. Uncle!" I groaned. He loosened his grip and I wiggled out from underneath his arm.
He grinned and shook his head, "Shoulda known."
I looked at my reflection in the window. I sure didn't look like any lady I'd ever seen. Torn up jeans that were about three times my size, and a red tank top covered with a bluem plaid overshirt. Real classy.
My hair wasn't done in any special way, either. Just sort of ran a brush through it and called it good. I mean, I washed it. I wasn't a redneck. Just a tomboy.
And I guess I could put on makeup. Well, sorta, anyways. It never turned out like the girl on the front of the box, but shoot, I didn't really look much like the girl on the front of the box to start with, I guess. It always looked alright. I supposed it was an improvement.
Have you ever seen Hairspray? I was a little heavier set, like the main girl in that movie. You see pictures of people from the sixties, and they're always super thin and beautiful, with those cute skirts that go in at the waist and then puff out real nice around. I owned one of those skirts. It was from when I was twelve and didn't care what no one thought of me. Now I only pretended not to care.
I could feel Darry's eyes on me. Watching me watch myself. So I spun around twice and fell on the floor. He sighed and retreated into the bathroom to try and make himself not smell like he was roofing houses all day. It never really worked, but I couldn't break his heart and tell him that.
I could hear Two-Bit before I actually saw him. That was the case most of the time, though. I even felt him before I saw him.
"Ow."
"It's not my fault! Why're you on the floor?!"
Of course he steps on me. He couldn't tell me he loves me, so he covers it up with pain.
Or something.
I could just accept the fact that Two-Bit thinks I'm like a little sister. Or I could just pretend he really loves me and is just ashamed of the fact.
However, when I asked him out, the resounding "No way" I got was getting harder and harder to forget.
But you can't blame a girl for trying, right?
Jul 17, 2010
6 Pounds!
Just got on the scale. Lost six pounds. Pretty damn proud of myself.
Also, I picked up Hugh Laurie's book and two relationship self help books. They tell me how pretty I am. It makes me feel good. ((The relationship books, not Hugh Laurie's. . .))
I'm so hungry. Bye.
Also, I picked up Hugh Laurie's book and two relationship self help books. They tell me how pretty I am. It makes me feel good. ((The relationship books, not Hugh Laurie's. . .))
I'm so hungry. Bye.
Jul 1, 2010
A Day in the Life of a Public Storage Employee
So many people have asked me "What DO you do?" Well, I'll tell you about today!
Wake up, go to work. Working with Nic and Charmayne today. Nic makes a comment about me driving up in my black hoodie. "I thought you had dyed your hair." We then discuss people who dye their hair black and then put a streak of bright color in it.
Rent two spaces. My rental is a jittery crack addict. Two rentals and insurances before 10 AM.
Have my first conference call. The first thing anyone says, is Desirae announcing that she is divorced. We put the phones on mute and laugh soooo much.
Go to the bank. Katan isn't there. Get in line with Meley. Don't know how to say her name. Joke around with her and the guy that I /swear/ is gay. I'm sure of it. Tell her that we auction people's stuff off if they don't pay in little over a month. She thinks I'm joking. Go back to work.
It wasn't until later that evening that fun stuff happened. I made some phone calls and did the lock check. Me and Nic and Charmayne joke some.
This guy comes in that had been here earlier. He said that he decided to rent with us. Nic starts to ask him why he changed his mind and is gonna rent with us, but the phone rings so she tells him to "Hold that thought." He turns to me "I love when women tell me to 'hold that thought.' Usually my thought isn't the same as theirs, but. . ." I burst out laughing. I think that I accidently rang something up wrong, I look at Nic and go "Did I do something wrong?" While she looks it over, he goes "Don't worry, you'll be spanked for it later. But it'll probably make you smile." Laugh. Oh pervy old men. Asks me if he can pay months in advance. Tell him all his payment options. "I can pay online?" "Yes sir, you can." "Just for me?" "Oh absolutely. I arranged it just now, just for you." Oh me and my witticisms.
Then me and Nic go to pick up garbage. We find this cat hamper thing, and decide to pick up and put the garbage around the property in that. We empty it in the dumpster first. It was full of shoes and other crap. Nic opens up a gameboy advance case. It has a syringe in it. She drops it and laughs. "Yay HIV!"
We then go down between the buildings and look at a building that's locked, but open. The locks just on the side. We start to fiddle with it and a guy goes "Be careful, that's my bedroom."
"Oh, is this your unit? Just make sure you lock it up."
"No, it's not mine."
". . .Kay. . ."
Then his friend comes over "It's my unit." He looks inside it "No it's not."
We zip-tie it shut.
The first guy asks what we dumped in the garbage. We were like "Um, garbage. . ."
The second guy asks where the nearest dump is. I tell him that we don't know, but that if he goes up to the office he can use the phonebook and find one. He looks at me, deadly serious, and says "You. Are so. Sweet."
Awkward laugh. I can feel Nic laughing at me.
The first guy tells us "Good job for you guys! I really like how you promote safe sex!"
Without missing a beat we're both just like "Oh yeah, thanks."
As we walked away we were both like "Wait, what?"
We then throw away the cat and proceed to tell Charmayne this. She can't be amused, she's in a bad mood. So Nic and I go clean the third and fourth floors. We then talk about Lori at Curves and House. We decide we will have a House party. It may or may not involve vicodin.
Back at the office a lady comes in to purchase some stuff. Nic notices her necklace, and when the lady leaves, she looks up the words that were on the back. Quantum Science.
"FusionExcel’s Quantum Pendant is made from natural minerals that are fused and structurally bonded together at a molecular level. It produces scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield. The Quantum Pendant promotes positive flow of energy and helps to maintain energy balance. It helps to restore energy that has become weak in the body. By restoring the energy balance in the body this pendant helps one to maintain health and well-being.
Usage:
Wear it on a chain or carry it in your pocket. The scalar energy from the pendant works outwardly and within the body. Outwardly scalar energy enhances the body’s bio-field. Inwardly it works to facilitate cell permeability and thereby enhances the many physiological functions of the cells in the body.
Health Benefits:
Reduces inflammation
Promotes unclamping of cells
Enhances circulation
Enhances immune and endocrine systems
Has the ability to destroy viruses and bacteria
Enhances cellular nutrition and detoxification
Enhances cellular permeability
Increases energy
Helps to protect DNA from damage
Helps to retard the ageing process
Helps to fight cancer cells
Strengthens the body’s bio-field preventing
electro-magnetic waves from affecting one’s health
Increases focus and concentration "
Lawlawlawl. Nic then decides that she wants one. Then finds out that they don't just sell quantum pendants, but quantum AIR. AIR, you guys. Fucking air. We lawl about that.
I ask her if quantum is spelled "tum" or "tam." She looks confused. "Tum." She says. "I was like 'Quantum is spelled with a q. . .'" We laugh. Isnort make a beautiful princess noise.
End of the day. Count the cash. Laugh about the people. Go home. Tomorrow, repeat as desired.
Wake up, go to work. Working with Nic and Charmayne today. Nic makes a comment about me driving up in my black hoodie. "I thought you had dyed your hair." We then discuss people who dye their hair black and then put a streak of bright color in it.
Rent two spaces. My rental is a jittery crack addict. Two rentals and insurances before 10 AM.
Have my first conference call. The first thing anyone says, is Desirae announcing that she is divorced. We put the phones on mute and laugh soooo much.
Go to the bank. Katan isn't there. Get in line with Meley. Don't know how to say her name. Joke around with her and the guy that I /swear/ is gay. I'm sure of it. Tell her that we auction people's stuff off if they don't pay in little over a month. She thinks I'm joking. Go back to work.
It wasn't until later that evening that fun stuff happened. I made some phone calls and did the lock check. Me and Nic and Charmayne joke some.
This guy comes in that had been here earlier. He said that he decided to rent with us. Nic starts to ask him why he changed his mind and is gonna rent with us, but the phone rings so she tells him to "Hold that thought." He turns to me "I love when women tell me to 'hold that thought.' Usually my thought isn't the same as theirs, but. . ." I burst out laughing. I think that I accidently rang something up wrong, I look at Nic and go "Did I do something wrong?" While she looks it over, he goes "Don't worry, you'll be spanked for it later. But it'll probably make you smile." Laugh. Oh pervy old men. Asks me if he can pay months in advance. Tell him all his payment options. "I can pay online?" "Yes sir, you can." "Just for me?" "Oh absolutely. I arranged it just now, just for you." Oh me and my witticisms.
Then me and Nic go to pick up garbage. We find this cat hamper thing, and decide to pick up and put the garbage around the property in that. We empty it in the dumpster first. It was full of shoes and other crap. Nic opens up a gameboy advance case. It has a syringe in it. She drops it and laughs. "Yay HIV!"
We then go down between the buildings and look at a building that's locked, but open. The locks just on the side. We start to fiddle with it and a guy goes "Be careful, that's my bedroom."
"Oh, is this your unit? Just make sure you lock it up."
"No, it's not mine."
". . .Kay. . ."
Then his friend comes over "It's my unit." He looks inside it "No it's not."
We zip-tie it shut.
The first guy asks what we dumped in the garbage. We were like "Um, garbage. . ."
The second guy asks where the nearest dump is. I tell him that we don't know, but that if he goes up to the office he can use the phonebook and find one. He looks at me, deadly serious, and says "You. Are so. Sweet."
Awkward laugh. I can feel Nic laughing at me.
The first guy tells us "Good job for you guys! I really like how you promote safe sex!"
Without missing a beat we're both just like "Oh yeah, thanks."
As we walked away we were both like "Wait, what?"
We then throw away the cat and proceed to tell Charmayne this. She can't be amused, she's in a bad mood. So Nic and I go clean the third and fourth floors. We then talk about Lori at Curves and House. We decide we will have a House party. It may or may not involve vicodin.
Back at the office a lady comes in to purchase some stuff. Nic notices her necklace, and when the lady leaves, she looks up the words that were on the back. Quantum Science.
"FusionExcel’s Quantum Pendant is made from natural minerals that are fused and structurally bonded together at a molecular level. It produces scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield. The Quantum Pendant promotes positive flow of energy and helps to maintain energy balance. It helps to restore energy that has become weak in the body. By restoring the energy balance in the body this pendant helps one to maintain health and well-being.
Usage:
Wear it on a chain or carry it in your pocket. The scalar energy from the pendant works outwardly and within the body. Outwardly scalar energy enhances the body’s bio-field. Inwardly it works to facilitate cell permeability and thereby enhances the many physiological functions of the cells in the body.
Health Benefits:
Reduces inflammation
Promotes unclamping of cells
Enhances circulation
Enhances immune and endocrine systems
Has the ability to destroy viruses and bacteria
Enhances cellular nutrition and detoxification
Enhances cellular permeability
Increases energy
Helps to protect DNA from damage
Helps to retard the ageing process
Helps to fight cancer cells
Strengthens the body’s bio-field preventing
electro-magnetic waves from affecting one’s health
Increases focus and concentration "
Lawlawlawl. Nic then decides that she wants one. Then finds out that they don't just sell quantum pendants, but quantum AIR. AIR, you guys. Fucking air. We lawl about that.
I ask her if quantum is spelled "tum" or "tam." She looks confused. "Tum." She says. "I was like 'Quantum is spelled with a q. . .'" We laugh. I
End of the day. Count the cash. Laugh about the people. Go home. Tomorrow, repeat as desired.
Jun 15, 2010
Ahhh, nostalgia
It's that time again. ((Fucking finally.)) The time where the sun shines bright, even when you're trying to go to sleep. Where it feels like you're invincible. And during July you go to five different 7/11's to get more than one free slurpie.
That's right. I'm talking about summer.
I just got back from thoroughly scrubbing every part of my body in the shower. And you know why, right?
I just got back from my first swim of the summer!! :B It was so good.
I started out just swimming laps, but then I got bored. So I pretended I was in America's Next Top Model. I'd do funny poses and then imagine Mr. Jay being like "Yes! Loving it Lauren! NOW I see a model."
Then I made funny shapes with my shadows.
Anyways, then I signed on the computer. It's about 5:30 PM. And whenever it's this time in the summer, I think of my friend Kair.
Kair is a girl that I actually met on fanfiction.net. We both loved The Outsiders. ((I have a bit of an unhealthy addiction to it.)) Then we used to roleplay it. I looooved that. And I always miss it around this time of year.
Sigh. Memories.
That's right. I'm talking about summer.
I just got back from thoroughly scrubbing every part of my body in the shower. And you know why, right?
I just got back from my first swim of the summer!! :B It was so good.
I started out just swimming laps, but then I got bored. So I pretended I was in America's Next Top Model. I'd do funny poses and then imagine Mr. Jay being like "Yes! Loving it Lauren! NOW I see a model."
Then I made funny shapes with my shadows.
Anyways, then I signed on the computer. It's about 5:30 PM. And whenever it's this time in the summer, I think of my friend Kair.
Kair is a girl that I actually met on fanfiction.net. We both loved The Outsiders. ((I have a bit of an unhealthy addiction to it.)) Then we used to roleplay it. I looooved that. And I always miss it around this time of year.
Sigh. Memories.
May 20, 2010
Where will it end?!
So lately I've been thinking things like "What can I post? What should I post?" And it always seems like I think of really good posts before I fall asleep.
However, then I wake up the next morning and am like "What was I thinking? Am I daft?"
Like, for example, I was thinking about doing a post about birthdays. Kind of an "What's the deal with airplane food" post. Why do we get presents on our birthdays? Are we celebrating our ability to stay alive for another whole year? Why do we get presents for that. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
But then I was like, what if someone I know reads this. What if no one ever gives me another birthday present ever again? What about Christmas? After all, that's just a celebration of Jesus' birthday, right? Why do I get presents on someone else's birthday? What if I stop getting presents? I need presents. They're great. Especially good presents, but I even appreciate the bad ones. I think it's the thought that counts. Unless you get me like, a piece of poop. Because really, what were you even thinking?
And then how far will it go? Why do we eat food on the day that Chris Columbus went to the wrong place?
I think birthdays are great! Christmas too! Food is great!
So I decided not to write that post for all of humanity so that we can continue on giving and receiving presents for no reason but pretend that it's an important reason.
You're welcome.
However, then I wake up the next morning and am like "What was I thinking? Am I daft?"
Like, for example, I was thinking about doing a post about birthdays. Kind of an "What's the deal with airplane food" post. Why do we get presents on our birthdays? Are we celebrating our ability to stay alive for another whole year? Why do we get presents for that. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
But then I was like, what if someone I know reads this. What if no one ever gives me another birthday present ever again? What about Christmas? After all, that's just a celebration of Jesus' birthday, right? Why do I get presents on someone else's birthday? What if I stop getting presents? I need presents. They're great. Especially good presents, but I even appreciate the bad ones. I think it's the thought that counts. Unless you get me like, a piece of poop. Because really, what were you even thinking?
And then how far will it go? Why do we eat food on the day that Chris Columbus went to the wrong place?
I think birthdays are great! Christmas too! Food is great!
So I decided not to write that post for all of humanity so that we can continue on giving and receiving presents for no reason but pretend that it's an important reason.
You're welcome.
May 19, 2010
Who am I today?
Kay so. I was reading Allie's blog cause it's amazing and I love it. Anyways, she had looked her name up on Urban Dictionary. Because I have no real original thoughts of my own admire her, I decided that I would do that too. Thanks Allie!
I am a gentlemanly sex goddess that thinks that I am Robin Hood.
Pimpin'.
I am a gentlemanly sex goddess that thinks that I am Robin Hood.
Pimpin'.
May 18, 2010
Things I wanted to do according to age
Year 1: Be able to say "I'm hungry, take off your shirt."
Year 2: Knock my sister over
Year 3: Be able to fly
Year 4: Be my sister's apprentice
Year 5: Be Queen of the McDonalds playplace
Year 6: A superhero
Year 7: Belle from Beauty and the Beast
Year 8: A soccer player
Year 9: Become a Pokemon trainer
Year 10: Go to Hogwarts
Year 11: Still wanted to go to Hogwarts
Year 12: Become a poet
Year 13: Write fanfiction professionally
Year 14: Write short stories
Year 15: Be a lawyer
Year 16: Make bank doing nothing
Year 17: Be a child right's advocate attorney
Year 18: Be a lawyer, be a writer, be a fashion designer, be a mangaka, be an actress, be a singer, be a boxer, write a magazine, be a model, be in the BAU, and create video games. Currently I want to teach English overseas. But we'll see. I still have more than four months of being 18 left. I'm sure I'll change my mind by then.
Year 19: I'll probably want to be a pterodactyl riding a unicycle through a dragon's flames or something.
Year 2: Knock my sister over
Year 3: Be able to fly
Year 4: Be my sister's apprentice
Year 5: Be Queen of the McDonalds playplace
Year 6: A superhero
Year 7: Belle from Beauty and the Beast
Year 8: A soccer player
Year 9: Become a Pokemon trainer
Year 10: Go to Hogwarts
Year 11: Still wanted to go to Hogwarts
Year 12: Become a poet
Year 13: Write fanfiction professionally
Year 14: Write short stories
Year 15: Be a lawyer
Year 16: Make bank doing nothing
Year 17: Be a child right's advocate attorney
Year 18: Be a lawyer, be a writer, be a fashion designer, be a mangaka, be an actress, be a singer, be a boxer, write a magazine, be a model, be in the BAU, and create video games. Currently I want to teach English overseas. But we'll see. I still have more than four months of being 18 left. I'm sure I'll change my mind by then.
Year 19: I'll probably want to be a pterodactyl riding a unicycle through a dragon's flames or something.
May 17, 2010
Wild Psychotic Freak Appears!
So this is a blog. . .
So I'm gonna be honest here. I crave your attention. I'm probably not going to get it, but I'm going to pretend that you love me a lot. That being said, here's the reason I'm here.
I cannot do anything.
I'm basically a little lump on the planet. I like to be productive, but somehow that never happens. Today I wanted to be really creative, so I pulled out my overly-decorated sketch pad and started drawing nothing. Then I pulled out my chic journal and wrote the alphabet. It was all very productive. So I was talking to my best friend ((AKA my mom)) and she suggested I do some "journaling" about myself and what I know.
All I know is that I know nothing. So this is what my blog will be about. Pretty neat.
When I was around 11 or 12, I started imagining that I was a sister of the Curtis brother's from the book The Outsiders. I've done that ever since. Except with tons of different things. Law and Order SVU, The OC, Grounded for Life, etc. Lately it's been Criminal Minds. But I can't ever decide whether or not I want to be like, Morgan's little sister, or his lover.
You may have guessed, I have no lover. I blame this on the fact of no father. My mom's are lesbians. My biological mom was artificially inseminated. My other mom was the same with my older sister. They are not together anymore.
I like older guys. Especially this guy at my work. He's amazing. He said I was pretty. He's practically engaged. Boo hoo me.
My guess is that if you've actually stuck around, you're unsure whether or not to laugh. Do it. I hope I make you laugh. Or at least make you feel better about yourself. ;)
I'm not usually this bitter IRL. However, isn't that the point of a blog? To show the side of you that you can't be IRL? I'm not sure I get what I'm doing yet.
Criminal Minds is ending now. It's time to go to bed and pretend Morgan saves me.
Or has sex with me.
I haven't decided yet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
